


Evasive Maneuvers

by PoeticLife



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BAMF Merlin, Gen, Gwaine Being Gwaine, Gwaine's Hair, Lies, Merlin Is A Bad Liar, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Arthur, Tavern
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 01:53:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11979627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoeticLife/pseuds/PoeticLife
Summary: Merlin is in the tavern (for once), and he's forced to do some fast talking when Arthur and Gwaine walk in. Not a reveal, but very close to it, and very fun to write. Oneshot.





	Evasive Maneuvers

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a prompt my cousin gave me that I took in a completely different direction. This is my first attempt at writing humour, and I have no idea how I did.

Tell me, Gaius," said Arthur in a tone that was polite with a dangerous edge to it, "Have you seen Merlin anywhere around here? He hasn't shown his face around the castle today."

"No, Sire, I can't say I've seen him," Gaius lied smoothly. "He hasn't been in your chambers?"

"He's in the tavern again, isn't he?" Arthur asked, sighing. Gaius opened his mouth to protest, but he shook his head. "No, never mind, you don't have to answer that. Of course he's in the tavern."

"Sire, I believe -"

"You don't have to cover for him; I'll get him and try to sober him up enough to do his job. The stocks should do it." Giving the old man a smile that let him know he was forgiven for lying, Arthur left.

"Gwaine," Arthur asked, stopping him in the street. "Would you mind helping with something? It's to do with Merlin -"

"That's all you have to say," Gwaine said immediately, turning fully towards him. "What is it?"

"I need your help dragging him out of the tavern," Arthur explained, beginning to walk with him.

Gwaine matched his pace, frowning. "Merlin's in the tavern? Why?"

"Why is he ever?" Arthur threw his hands up in an exasperated shrug. "I need him, today especially. There's a beast with the body of a serpent and the face of a wolf - don't laugh, it's killed people - terrorising a few villages on its way to Camelot, and we need to stop it. A few of the knights are riding out with me to kill it, and Merlin's supposed to come along. I'd like to get this whole mess done with quickly before it can kill again."

"The tavern, though?" Gwaine repeated, shaking his head partly in confusion, partly to show off his hair to a girl walking by, who giggled. "He hates drinking. Have you ever actually seen him drinking, or drunk?"

Arthur stopped in his tracks. "I must have," he murmured, eyebrows drawing together. "I could swear that there was at least one time..."

"Did Gaius say that he was in the tavern?" Gwaine pressed.

"No, I just assumed that he was about to make some ridiculous excuse for him, and told him that I was going to the tavern to look for him," Arthur continued, looking a little dazed. "Then where has he been when he's disappeared over the last few years?"

"Not the tavern," Gwaine said, putting a significance on the words that Arthur frowned at. "We'll check there first, since it's the only place we have, but he'll turn up eventually. Always does. We'll interrogate him then. Now keep walking; you might not be able to think and walk at the same time, but I can."

Merlin, as it turned out, was in the tavern, which they discovered as soon as they walked in. It was empty for once, except for Merlin himself and a rather unfortunate-looking beast with the body of a serpent and the face of a wolf lying dead on the floorboards.

"What is this, exactly?" Arthur asked, completely unimpressed.

Merlin jumped up and away from his previous position, which had been to have one leg on either side of the thing and a hand over its chest wound. "Hm? Not a thing."

"This," said Arthur, taking a step forwards, disbelief growing, "was you?"

"Did I say that? I don't think I said it. Did I say that, Gwaine?" Merlin gave them that idiotic grin and stood as straight as he could, taking a few more steps away from the dead beast.

"No, but the implication's there," he pointed out, raising his eyebrows. "What happened?"

"You'll have to be a bit more specific, I'm afraid," Merlin said, taking a deep breath and shaking his head in apparent disapproval at the monster on the floor. "Plenty of things happen all the time. Just last week I fell down the stairs and that caused -"

"Merlin," Arthur said, incredulous eyebrows raised, "Explain the series of events that ended with this beast on this floor. Now."

He glanced up from the monster to Arthur's face, seemed to make a quick decision, and nodded to himself. "Well, the beast was born - or maybe hatched, I'm not really in a position to know - it killed a load of people, it arrived in Camelot, came into this tavern, and died right here. Under this very roof."

Arthur looked like he was about a second away from shouting. Through gritted teeth, he asked, "And how did this beast die under this very roof?"

"This beast, under this roof?" He asked, looking like he was enjoying himself thoroughly behind his mask of confusion. He shrugged. "I haven't the faintest."

Arthur stepped back, taking a few deep breaths and trying very hard to pretend that the smell of the dead beast wasn't getting to him. Finally, he looked up. "Merlin, how much have you had to drink this afternoon?"

"Not a drop," he replied promptly. "I'm not certain how drunk you think I am, but I assure you, I am nowhere near that and I'm actually very offended by this line of questioning."

"Merlin," said Gwaine, stepping in before Arthur could really start to get angry, "why were you standing above the beast and why did you have a hand over the area of its wound?"

"Why," he repeated thoughtfully. "That's a complicated question. I suppose it started way back in Ealdor, when I was born -"

"Merlin," said Arthur quietly, patiently, "would you please explain why you're avoiding explaining how the beast was killed and what your involvement was?"

His eyes widened innocently. "Why would I avoid telling you anything?"

"That," shouted Arthur, losing his temper and taking Merlin by the shoulders, shaking him roughly, "is what I'd like to know!"

From behind him, Gwaine yelled, "Arthur!" sharply. Merlin looked quite startled with the way Arthur was shaking him. "Arthur, it would help if you let go!"

"Would you explain if I let you go?" He demanded, not shaking him anymore but still gripping him by the shoulders tightly.

"Would you let me go, once I've explained?" Merlin yelped, and then cringed at the looks on their faces. "I mean - it isn't bad or anything - I've done a lot of good for this kingdom, more than you know, and you should keep that in mind -"

"Merlin, what happened to the beast?" Gwaine asked, sounding thoroughly confused.

"Oh," he said, eyes lighting up as though he finally understood. "It died."

Arthur stared at him for a long moment. Gwaine watched the two of them warily, as if ready to jump in and break up a fight.

"Stocks?" Merlin asked eventually, eyes on Arthur's hand, which was gripping the handle of his sword.

Arthur nodded once, looking perfectly livid. Merlin scrambled past him and over the dead beast, glanced at Gwaine with laughter barely suppressed, and left quickly. He slammed the door on his way out, obviously taking delight in the action.

"Somedays," said Arthur, to no one in particular, looking absolutely furious, "I'd pay to know why he does things the way he does."


End file.
